wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
