we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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