Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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