Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
