apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
