She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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