I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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