There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
