9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
