your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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