32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
