Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
