Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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