When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
