so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
