Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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