she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
