When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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