I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
