I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
