Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
