Midget sex pt 2 tonight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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