discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize