Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
