im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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