can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
