p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
