she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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