I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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