Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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