I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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