it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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