What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
After last night, I could never be a politician.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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