If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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