umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love having hate sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
