so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
