We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My dick has a subreddit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
