totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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