??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
