The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
