He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
