Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
