I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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