Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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