my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
