We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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