i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
