dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize