laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
