I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize