Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
