They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize