sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
