woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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