so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
