Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
