A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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