Just cropdusted the office
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
