lets start a swedish sibling band together
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
