I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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