Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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