do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
