Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
