I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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