Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
