yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
