I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
