R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
...so i touched it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
