No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
