Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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