ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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