some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
