im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
