i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
