i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
